Anal sex is more popular than ever – and with good reason – for most people when done correctly it’s a very pleasurable act for both partners. If you’re new to knocking on the back door, or even a seasoned pro, this article has hopefully got some tips to up your anal game.
Broaching the subject
Some partners may be more understanding than other when they are asked if they will consider anal sex. Many may have been thinking about it already – if so, no worries there!
However many partners may have concerns – that it is taboo, that it might hurt, that it could make a mess – or they could just have it in their mind that it is something a ‘good’ person doesn’t do.
This is where having good communication with your partner helps a great deal, asking and discussing things openly will greatly enhance your chances of both having a good time. So long as you are prepared to take it at their pace, don’t mind if a mess does happen and have full respect for them whatever happens – and you are clear about this – you stand a good chance.
With that said if you feel you just can’t ask, a wayard finger during love-making can potentially do the asking for you – if it’s well received you may now feel you have to confidence to talk about anal sex without as much fear of rejection. We’d definitely suggest against just trying to stick your penis in her butt without asking though – that’s just rude.
Also if you have discussed it, and she’s dead against it – take the hint – if anal is absolutely critical to you as part of a sexual relationship, and your partner doesn’t wish to partake, then you might unfortunately have to look for a new partner. There’s no mileage in just constantly pressuring them.
Try it solo
If it’s your first time receiving anal, then you’d have every right to feel a bit nervous for your first time.
Much as many of you will have played with yourself before trying regular intercourse for the first time, there’s nothing wrong with having an experiment before you try things with a partner.
In fact many people enjoy solo anal play throughout their life. All you need is a little lube, and your fingers. Or you can step up the fun with a buttplug or other anal toy.
Try some toys
Firstly a word of caution, we’d always recommend using a sex toy over trying to improvise. Anal sex toys have been specifically designed as such, meaning they will have been designed with a ‘way out’. No-one wants a visit to the hospital to try and extract something that wasn’t designed as such…
There are perhaps more anal toys than you’d imagine, let’s take a look at some of the more popular ones.
Butt Plugs
Perhaps the first butt-related toy you might think about – butt plugs have been a staple of anal fun for many years.
They come in all shapes and sizes, from small to the very, very large. Some have extra features such as a vibrating feature, a ribbed texture, being hollow, made of glass / metal, or being designed to look nice (such as a heart or jewel on the outward-facing part).
We’d recommend taking a read through our best butt-plugs guide to learn more, and also to not go too big to start with.
Oh and lube, plenty of lube (that goes for pretty much everything on this page though).
Prostate Massagers
These are ones for the guys.
Guys – in case you didn’t know – stimulating your prostate can give you some really intense orgasms. Your prostate just so happens to be in your bottom.
These are specifically designed to slip inside your butt and tickle the prostate just right. They also give the same sensations as a regular buttplug – i.e. there’s something in there – so a double win really.
Inflatable Butt Plugs
These are just as they sound – the buttplug is attached to a pump which when pressed inflates it with air, which is done after the plug is inserted.
This can lead to interesting sensations as the plug expands whilst inside you, and also allows for a bigger sense of being full without having to insert a large plug to start with, and the potential assoicated pain of doing so.
Anal beads
Sometimes known as Thai beads, these are beads in a row, generally on a piece of semi-flexible plastic.
The idea is to insert the beads into yourself, then either you or your partner pull them out – if you time it right at the point of orgasm – to receive a most pleasureable sensation.
Anal beads come in different configuration – some will have the bigger beads first, some last, some will have all beads the same size. Each will give a different sensation.
Vibrating anal beads are also available.
Dildos
Whilst many dildos are not designed exclusively for anal play, longer dildos, those with realitic balls, or those with a flared base can also make for an excellent anal toy.
Some dildos come with a suction-cup base, allowing you to attach it to the floor / wall / wherever it will stick, and have some hands-free solo fun.
Then of course there are strap-on dildos. You can read all about these in our guide to pegging.
Douches & Enemas
Some people like to tackle their anal fun as clean as they can possibly be.
These cleanse our your insides to keep any cleanliness concerns to a minimum.
Depending on your diet / general bowel health you may not need one, however if you are concerned about making a mess they can certainly take a weight off your mind.
We’ll be putting up a full guide on how to use these in the very near future.
Lube
Before we go any further, let’s discuss lube – it’s your friend, and it wants you to have a good time.
The anus isn’t naturally lubricated, so you’ll need some lube to let you in the back door.
Whilst it’s often said you can never have enough lube, too much and there’s nowhere left for it to go and it’ll start to drop all over the place. Ensure the penis is well coated and her butt hole is well lubricated – either by rubbing some lube on with the tip of the penis, or using a lubricated finger to spread the lube around and gentle penetrate her.
There are different types of lube available:
- Water based
- Silicone based
- Oil based (vaseline, coconut oil, baby oil etc.)
- Anal lubes
- Flavoured lubes
- Warmining lubes
- Numbing lubes
We’ll be going over the differences in more detail in a seperate article soon.
But for now it’s important to know that oil based lubes can break down condoms, so if you are using condoms, then these are best avoided.
Many “anal lubes” are designed to last longer, and are therefore a bit thicker than other types of lube. Wether this works for you depends entirely on you, many people find these types of lube to be too tough and sticky and can ironically even make penetration more difficuly.
We’d also advise against using numbing lubes – the anus is a delicate place, and you’ll need your both your senses about you to make sure you’re not pushing things too far.
Our recommendation of choice would be a simple water-based lube like ID Glide, but lubes aren’t terribly expensive, have a play around with a few and see which ones work best for you.
Safety & Cleanliness
As with any penetrative sexual act, if you are planning on not using condoms, then it’s important to know your partner’s sexual health status – even moreso with anal sex as STI infection rates are higher with anal sex.
Talking about condoms – some couples choose to use them with anal sex (even if they aren’t for vaginal). Some don’t. Whilst there is a small risk of the male partner catching a UTI (uriniary tract infection) from unprotected anal sex, this can be reduced by cleaning the penis immediately afterwards.
After anal sex you shouldn’t switch back to vaginal sex without either washing the penis, or changing condoms. Otherwise there is a reasonable risk of giving the female partner a UTI.
But we’re not doctors! The NHS has some futher advice.
Toss my salad?
Annilingus, salad tossing, or plain old butt licking. It doesn’t matter how you put it, it’s a fun part of butt-play and enjoyed by many couples.
Whilst it can act as foreplay to anal sex, it doesn’t have to.
Safety concerns would be the same as above, and we’d highly recommend the receiving parter to have a bath or shower beforehand.
This certainly isn’t for everyone, many couples who are happy with anal sex may consider this a step too far. So communicate with your partner, see if this is something you both may enjoy. It’s certainly an interesting sensation – for both parties.
Anal sex positions
Given that the anus and the vagina aren’t too far apart, many standard positions will work with anal sex as well.
A few positions that work well for anal newbies: